I love my children they have brought more joy and fulfillment to my life then I could have ever thought before. Children come hand in hand with noise and lots of it and the happier your children the more noise seems made. Often this noise can be comforting, heartfelt laughter, inquisitive questions, grunts, and mumbles all the sounds of little growing people, tiny little sounds of beginnings.
However not all times are so serene more commonly its deafening sounds of screeches, yells and demands, frustrated sounds of defeat, cries for more time, more toys, more space. Its these times that my mind becomes dizzied, my thoughts twisted by the crescendo of noise, then followed by my own often louder pleas for peace, creating a vicious circle of noise louder and louder. This is when I feel my life in constant crescendo, an ever increasing level of sound. Its at these moments that I have discovered that sometimes the best remedy for too LOUD is to add more LOUD. Crazy? Maybe but it works. I find for my little Brut's the best form of decrescendo LOUD is music, any kind works today I tested outside of my normal happy, mellow, sound streams for something unheard to my children before. I dipped into my dark abyss of a closet and dug out Vivaldi a long lost favorite of mine, in hopes of gaining a few minutes of peace to gather my thoughts and organize the sounds into useful melodys and of course solve all the worlds problems or at east my childrens of the moment.
Fail. my kids uninterested in noise with no words to distract from whatever started this crescendo. I give, and change to the good old sounds of The Beatles, and Gaga. I put my disc away and hope that aone day when my life seems in crescendo that the serene sounds of Four Seasons will someday bring to my children the prefect decrescendo.
Enjoy Four Seasons
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Filtering
Do I have a filter? As in do I think about what I say before I say it?
Good question I suppose I have a filter I didn't call the lady at the till a bitch after she talked to me like a was scum of the earth. I think the question really is why, when and what is appropriate to say and to whom?
I will be honest this is not the first time something I have said has been questioned as to its appropriateness in conversation. Why is that? Doesn't everyone just say it like it is? Maybe not?
Funny as so often I cant find the words to say, yet so often get accused of saying too much.
maybe this has less to do with what I say and more to do with the comfort level of the people hearing it. Some people don't like to hear swears I understand that I don't like my kids to hear swears but have recently said the C-word multiple times. Does that make me a hypocrite? In a recent argument with my grandmother (don't judge if you knew her you would understand) she told me she "didn't want to talk about it" Does that mean she didn't want to hear what I was about to say or did she not like what I already said, did I fail to use my filter again?
Recently I have found my self apologizing regularly to the same person for things I have said. Another failure to use my filter? What exactly am I supposed to filter out?
With lots of thought I have decided to try something new I am going to use my filter on a regular basis in hopes of not putting my foot in my mouth so often and apologizing less as that is a little awkward and slightly humiliating. However don't be surprised if you find my filtered bits spilled out on here.
Good question I suppose I have a filter I didn't call the lady at the till a bitch after she talked to me like a was scum of the earth. I think the question really is why, when and what is appropriate to say and to whom?
I will be honest this is not the first time something I have said has been questioned as to its appropriateness in conversation. Why is that? Doesn't everyone just say it like it is? Maybe not?
Funny as so often I cant find the words to say, yet so often get accused of saying too much.
maybe this has less to do with what I say and more to do with the comfort level of the people hearing it. Some people don't like to hear swears I understand that I don't like my kids to hear swears but have recently said the C-word multiple times. Does that make me a hypocrite? In a recent argument with my grandmother (don't judge if you knew her you would understand) she told me she "didn't want to talk about it" Does that mean she didn't want to hear what I was about to say or did she not like what I already said, did I fail to use my filter again?
Recently I have found my self apologizing regularly to the same person for things I have said. Another failure to use my filter? What exactly am I supposed to filter out?
With lots of thought I have decided to try something new I am going to use my filter on a regular basis in hopes of not putting my foot in my mouth so often and apologizing less as that is a little awkward and slightly humiliating. However don't be surprised if you find my filtered bits spilled out on here.
White Is Alright!!!!
I am white that's the color of my skin but not just normal white like really f-ing white. I'm not exactly sure why my skin is so fair with the rumored black and other darker skinned nationalities in my gene pool. I'm not even the nice white where people refer to you as porcelain I'm just white.
What causes this? Well my body has a whole lot more pheomelanin then the average Caucasian pheomelanin is what produces the tone in skin there is also eumelanin which produces the dark brown to black tones in skin this of which I have little.
I have little issue with my fair skin however it seems the general population just cant comprehend this. I often get questions like "your so white, why don't you tan?" Or "doesn't that bother you?" Or my favorite which is more a statement then a question "gross! you are so white"
Now to answer some questions and make some statements of my own.
YES my skin is white I KNOW this it has been this same color for the last 24 3/4 years this is not some unfortunate event where my skin horribly lost all pigment. I don't tan believe it or not I am mostly comfortable with my own skin. I also don't tan because I don't feel the need to change the color of my skin to conform to the majority of society that think golden brown skin which is actually a sign of damaged skin is beautiful skin. I AM OK BEING ME and sunscreen makes your skin soft!
No it doesn't bother me not until someone seems the need to point out the obvious fact that my skin glows like a beaken of some sort, or comments that my skin is so pasty. So you know pasty is word that describes a texture not a color, if my skin was pasty then you could correctly ask me if I was under the weather.
Further more I tell you this when all you sun bathed tanned people are old wrinkly and age spotted, my so called ugly white skin is going to be ,WHITE, less wrinkled, and virtually free from damage and age spots. So for all those who haven't died from melanoma will look at your own skin and think "this bothers me, why did I tan?"
At least 2 people die from skin cancer every day in Canada. In North America, someone dies from skin cancer every hour.
Tanning beds increase your risk or getting skin cancer by 75%
So even thou when you look at my skin with distaste over it's fair or pasty tone, I look at it and see beautiful skin. Even when it takes multiple applications of sunscreen and many days in the shade to keep this white I take pride in knowing I am happy and healthy.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T LOOK!!!!
What causes this? Well my body has a whole lot more pheomelanin then the average Caucasian pheomelanin is what produces the tone in skin there is also eumelanin which produces the dark brown to black tones in skin this of which I have little.
I have little issue with my fair skin however it seems the general population just cant comprehend this. I often get questions like "your so white, why don't you tan?" Or "doesn't that bother you?" Or my favorite which is more a statement then a question "gross! you are so white"
Now to answer some questions and make some statements of my own.
YES my skin is white I KNOW this it has been this same color for the last 24 3/4 years this is not some unfortunate event where my skin horribly lost all pigment. I don't tan believe it or not I am mostly comfortable with my own skin. I also don't tan because I don't feel the need to change the color of my skin to conform to the majority of society that think golden brown skin which is actually a sign of damaged skin is beautiful skin. I AM OK BEING ME and sunscreen makes your skin soft!
No it doesn't bother me not until someone seems the need to point out the obvious fact that my skin glows like a beaken of some sort, or comments that my skin is so pasty. So you know pasty is word that describes a texture not a color, if my skin was pasty then you could correctly ask me if I was under the weather.
Further more I tell you this when all you sun bathed tanned people are old wrinkly and age spotted, my so called ugly white skin is going to be ,WHITE, less wrinkled, and virtually free from damage and age spots. So for all those who haven't died from melanoma will look at your own skin and think "this bothers me, why did I tan?"
At least 2 people die from skin cancer every day in Canada. In North America, someone dies from skin cancer every hour.
Tanning beds increase your risk or getting skin cancer by 75%
So even thou when you look at my skin with distaste over it's fair or pasty tone, I look at it and see beautiful skin. Even when it takes multiple applications of sunscreen and many days in the shade to keep this white I take pride in knowing I am happy and healthy.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T LOOK!!!!
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